http://TenSecondsToHappy.podbean.com/e/men-women-sex/ The differences between men and women have baffled us forever. Get ready to have a lot of Aha! moments thanks to neuroscience. men,women,moods,crying,arguing,mates #marriage #happiness #couples #counseling #neurons #brain #dating #therightguy #why hedoesthat #arguing #understanding
Part 2 Continuing Series on “What You Need to Know to Find the Right One
Understanding Number 5: Your primitive brain can be easily tricked if you are on the pill. Being on the pill will trick your body into thinking it’s pregnant and therefore look for an immune system that is similar to yours because that represents a family member, who will support you in your pregnancy. So be sure to date a man for 3 months on the pill and 3 months off to see if your attraction changes.
Understanding Number 6: The powerful emotions that will follow all these green lights are fueled by over 200 hormones and neurochemicals that will cause you to feel you are falling in love. Once these chemicals ignite, your once sensible and reasonable mind will NOT be functioning with clarity. This the key area you need boundaries or you will fall in love with the wrong one by becoming so addicted to the wonderful buzz that you will ignore everything that could be wrong with him.
And it ignites this fast is because everything in your genetics and reptilian brain pushes you toward finding a mate.
For today here is one of my podcasts that will explain in 12 minutes some things you need to understand before getting serious with a partner.
When beginning a mindless activity, pause and notice what your body feels like. If it is brimming with intensity, notice that just by taking a moment to focus on it, your body and mind will slow back down. If you continue to pause intermittently to take note of your body’s energies, you might be amazed at how fast the energy returns to a state of tension even after just one minute. If you are angry, you may feel empowered by this kind of energy. You may feel it will help you to finish your task more efficiently. It doesn’t, however, because the energy is there without a focused mind to make the most of it. Being still and breathing deeply will cause a physiological alteration that can bring a calm to almost any moment.
RULE: Be mindful when you are doing something mindless.
It is simply a matter of what you really want in life, how happy you want to be, and the commitment you want to make. As with sticking with the gym or a diet, you have to give it time to transcend into a lifestyle. This rule does not bend: joy can be experienced only in the present, not in the future or past. So if joy is what you really want in life, why go looking in places where it will never be found. Joy is a bit different than happiness or calm it is almost divine but it evolves from moments of calm and happiness.
Does this sound familiar?
Your head hits the pillow and you begin having a heated one-sided discussion with that coworker, child, or spouse, and although this is happening only in your head, you get as angry and upset as if it were happening in real life, with all the same harmful chemicals in play. (My personal favorite is rehashing a situation from childhood or with someone who isn’t even in my life anymore.) Talk about insane behavior! Over and over in your head, you will make your point, chasing some sort of elusive validation like a dog chasing his tail. Before you know it, you’re tossing and turning and can’t sleep.
For others, fears of your loved ones being in danger take over. If you are a parent you know this all too well and mothers are especially good at it. As we toss and turn witnessing this horror movie of our own making, we search for any reliable gut feeling or sense that we are correct in our fears. As if knowing something bad was coming would allow us to prevent it anyway.
Oh sure were their dangers at some point, yes but never affiliated with a particular night of tossing and turning. So after all the stress one day can hand you, you climb into bed exhausted and your brain hops back on the Worry-Go-Round.
Before disappointment strikes, you must be vigilant in reminding yourself that setting your hopes on one particular event or occurrence is dangerous, unnecessary, and misleading. No event will make you happy forever! Everything is transient and passes. The most subtle ones are those we expect in the course of our day, such as getting to work on time, having no traffic, having the computer work, or having the bus be on time. All are setups for disappointment.
Now, of course, you don’t want to expect bad things to happen, but you can’t forget that life is unpredictable. If you have personal expectations, it will feel like a personal attack when things don’t go your way, and you will fly into anger. Let me make this simple—Don’t cling to outcomes. Before I leave the house, I remind myself that regardless of what my to-do list says, anything is possible today. Beginning your day with expectations is like shoving a ticking time bomb into your pocket. It is only a matter of time before it blows.
Do the following reactions sound familiar? “Nice blinker, idiot!” “This stupid computer!” “Crap, it’s only three o’clock.” “Why is everyone driving like an ass?” “OMG, the Internet is so slow today!”
These reactions are as helpful as throwing your shoe at the clouds because it is raining on your day off! You are personalizing all of these random events. Such reactions also cut you off from seeing just how amazing life is around you. Stay present to these ridiculous, hidden beliefs that will do their best to wreck your day before it starts. When you walk out the door, remind yourself that although you intend to do this or that, anything can happen. Doing this disarms your amygdala, which is always on the lookout for things not going according to your plan. So take your plan (expectation) off the table. Your amygdala is different from that of the next person; whatever you believe should or shouldn’t happen is what it will try to protect, so only you can take down the beliefs/expectations that trigger it to begin with.
Understand this fact: it is your perspective that will determine if something is good or bad. “It’s never the problem; the issue is how you SEE the problem”. Your happiness will be a result of choices you make to see the world in a certain way. And we make those choices within every second. This is why so many studies repeatedly prove that 90 percent of our problems stem from how we see things. The philosophical question “Is the glass half full or half empty?” Does not do justice to the power of perspective. The simple truth is that events happen—what makes them bad or good is simply what you decide to think or believe about them.
That can be hard to swallow; we want our anger and frustration validated, not debunked as a figment of our perception! Most of us have been building stories for years around why things happened. “Why me?” “I hate my life; nothing ever goes right!” These beliefs are as deadly to our mental health as a daily diet of bacon is to our body! If this is you, the good news is that you will be able to feel much better just get my new book and learn how to control how your mind works.
Wonder why you get angry so easy? The average person has between 32 and 48 thoughts per minute, according to the Laboratory of Neuro Imaging at the University of Southern California and the National Science Foundation. That can add up to a total of 70,000 thoughts per day! However, what is scary is that several studies have also shown that 80 percent of those thoughts are negative, and 90 percent of those are similar to the ones you had the day before! 90%! Now we all have genuine situations to deal with but at those times when your brain pushes the panic button and has you yelling over something small, I can assure you there is something else going on in your mind creating the firestorm, and probably something unrelated. At the early stage of getting upset, you generally have an inaccurate perception of what is angering you. Underlying thoughts and memories from the past often attach themselves to the things happening in the present, causing you to overreact. You may be ruminating on something upsetting that took place yesterday when you suddenly spill something and let out a stream of expletives. All the while, you are completely unaware of what really triggered your outburst.
In my new book I teach you how to separate an upsetting event from your ongoing undercurrent of worrisome thoughts. Only then will you be able to figure out what you are really feeling, and therefore how to feel better. Because that’s your brain, a never-ending stream of what ifs and worry about how life did or will go wrong. Welcome to the Worry-Go-Round™ The average person has between 32 and 48 thoughts per minute, according to the Laboratory of Neuro Imaging at the University of Southern California and the National Science Foundation. That can add up to a total of 70,000 thoughts per day! Several studies have also shown that 80 percent of those thoughts are negative, and 90 percent of which are similar to the ones you had the day before!
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