http://TenSecondsToHappy.podbean.com/e/men-women-sex/ The differences between men and women have baffled us forever. Get ready to have a lot of Aha! moments thanks to neuroscience. men,women,moods,crying,arguing,mates #marriage #happiness #couples #counseling #neurons #brain #dating #therightguy #why hedoesthat #arguing #understanding
Part 4 Continuing Series on “What You Need to Know to Find the Right One
Understanding Number 9: Until you have the answers to the above questions you have no business taking your guard down removing the boundaries and allowing him to make you feel good. Otherwise it is the equivalent of trying to take your SATs while you are drunk. Because once those chemicals are in play you will have very little common sense, reasonability or objectivity.
Understanding Number 11 if you want to marry the right guy you can’t date the wrong guy just for convenience. If you spend time cuddling and having sex with him it will release oxytocin and dopamine causing you to think you have now fallen in love with him and “Hey he isn’t so bad, I could do worse . That is NOT the BENCH MARK LADIES!!! You will ignore all of the warning signs because you will do anything to keep that buzz.
Understanding number 12: Will he cheat on you? The million-dollar question we all wish we knew ahead of time. Well science now knows that it is wired into his genes. Their ability to be monogamous and be a more attentive father is known by looking at their vasopressin receptor gene. It comes in 17 lengths and the longer it is the better. So that’s the size you should be concerned with. Thinking someone will change or stop that behavior because they are in love is ignorance. Can you battle genetics? Absolutely. Science knows that your genetics and DNA can be altered with outside influences now.
Understanding 13: YOU can NEVER change him! Only HE can change him. Now this is not in concrete this is just on average. Typically when a man marries a women he hopes she will never change— But when a woman marries a man she already has plans on modifying him in some way. Again on average women tend to grow and change most of their lives. Maybe it has to do with our ability to morph into two people during pregnancy or that our brains our wired to see and understand so much more of human behavior that we naturally just want do something with all of that brilliant insight. But if you settle for a partner who never wants to evolve and grow as a person it can leave you feeling very empty and disconnected after 5-10 years. Men are evolving like it or not which is why you will find many more in meditation and yoga rooms that used to be mostly filled with women. So my advice: If you know you want “Blue Fish” don’t go fishing in a stream ladies.
That’s it for now. Hopefully now you will avoid some common mistakes and find a guy who is jut the right fit for you. As always I am always available to for questions and one on one discussions. Be sure to check out all my other podcasts and be sure send me your comments.
Part 2 Continuing Series on “What You Need to Know to Find the Right One
Understanding Number 5: Your primitive brain can be easily tricked if you are on the pill. Being on the pill will trick your body into thinking it’s pregnant and therefore look for an immune system that is similar to yours because that represents a family member, who will support you in your pregnancy. So be sure to date a man for 3 months on the pill and 3 months off to see if your attraction changes.
Understanding Number 6: The powerful emotions that will follow all these green lights are fueled by over 200 hormones and neurochemicals that will cause you to feel you are falling in love. Once these chemicals ignite, your once sensible and reasonable mind will NOT be functioning with clarity. This the key area you need boundaries or you will fall in love with the wrong one by becoming so addicted to the wonderful buzz that you will ignore everything that could be wrong with him.
And it ignites this fast is because everything in your genetics and reptilian brain pushes you toward finding a mate.
A while back I was having lunch at a neurobiology conference. The conversation went in the way of discussing car accidents (I guess we needed to dumb it down for lunch), and I mentioned that I was hit by a drunk driver more than fifteen times, also mentioning the physical impairments I was left with. It was a dramatic story of me chasing her for forty minutes until ten cop cars finally caught up and tried to stop us both.
Initially she hit me at over 55 miles per hour while I was stopped at red light. When I got my bearings back, I realized that instead of seeing if I was OK, she was trying to back up her crumpled car so she could get away. Well, thanks to some high quantities of adrenaline and dopamine, I ignored the pain shooting down my back and quickly and could tell she was drunk. I believed that if someone did not stop her, she would likely kill someone. So I decided to help out. As she hit speeds of 80 miles per hour, I pursued her as carefully as I could (no, I really did), but each time I got close enough to see her license plate and tried to call 911, all I got was “still searching” on my phone, Ugh! She repeatedly nodded off at intersections and traffic lights, at which point I would pull my car in front of her and try to block her path, but like a drunk Tasmanian Devil, she would spring to life and slam on the accelerator.
You will have to see me in person to hear the rest of the story, but the point is that at the end of my story, the woman to whom I was telling this looked at me and asked, “Are you angry for what she did to you?” I was caught off guard; no one had ever asked me that before. I said, “Not at all. I feel like that was one of the moments I will look back on as when my life really mattered.” That driver had been arrested five times for drunk driving prior to that afternoon. After the accident, she went to prison for a year, got sober, and became a drug counselor. Now she sends me a thank-you card each year on “our anniversary,” thanking me for being her guardian angel.
Others at the table commented on my positive attitude. I smiled because until that moment, I had never seen myself as a positive person, persé I always considered myself a realist. It was then that I realized I had always viewed a positive attitude as a decision to forcibly put a positive spin on things. I’d thought it was a decision that took strength and fortitude and a giant fake smile that I always believed was more about being in denial. Conversely, for me in this story, there was no other choice, no pushing away a buried resentment; this was the only way to see it.
As I have now rewired my brain with the techniques that I teach eeryday, I see that same perception pervading all the areas of my life. Now it just takes pausing for a moment for me to see the reality of all the goodness around me, and there is no other choice but to smile and feel good about life.
People are writing me from all over the world these days, saying that after practicing the techniques in my book, their brain is now naturally leaning toward a positive perception. The sane can happen to you and It won’t take putting rose-colored glasses on—just clear ones.
As you are coming to understand our amygdala is the root of our over reactions toward setbacks, comments, and even a weird look from a stranger. Even having a simple disagreement with someone can switch the amygdala to the fight-or-flight position. You enter into a discussion in which you expect the person to agree with you. Then when the person doesn’t, cortisol releases, causing an immediate shutting down of reasonable thinking and processing. Cortisol interrupts the prefrontal cortex as it tells your brain, “Your life is in danger; this is no time to be thinking!” So you raise your voice, yell, and take on aggressive body posture. Your whole body is reacting as if the other person is a threat to your life. This is why arguments rarely prove fruitful and is why discussing topics such as religion and politics is so dangerous. Never forget that no one wants to hear what you think unless you agree with them. So save your breath and your energy.
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