http://TenSecondsToHappy.podbean.com/e/motivation-from-brain/ When we were growing up everything we experienced was molding and shaping our likes, dislikes, what we deemed pleasurable and not so pleasurable, for better or for worse. How that molding took place is one of the most amazing new understandings Neuroscience has revealed in the last 5 years. Neuroscientists have speculated, hypothesized, guessed, […]
Part 4 Continuing Series on “What You Need to Know to Find the Right One
Understanding Number 9: Until you have the answers to the above questions you have no business taking your guard down removing the boundaries and allowing him to make you feel good. Otherwise it is the equivalent of trying to take your SATs while you are drunk. Because once those chemicals are in play you will have very little common sense, reasonability or objectivity.
Understanding Number 11 if you want to marry the right guy you can’t date the wrong guy just for convenience. If you spend time cuddling and having sex with him it will release oxytocin and dopamine causing you to think you have now fallen in love with him and “Hey he isn’t so bad, I could do worse . That is NOT the BENCH MARK LADIES!!! You will ignore all of the warning signs because you will do anything to keep that buzz.
Understanding number 12: Will he cheat on you? The million-dollar question we all wish we knew ahead of time. Well science now knows that it is wired into his genes. Their ability to be monogamous and be a more attentive father is known by looking at their vasopressin receptor gene. It comes in 17 lengths and the longer it is the better. So that’s the size you should be concerned with. Thinking someone will change or stop that behavior because they are in love is ignorance. Can you battle genetics? Absolutely. Science knows that your genetics and DNA can be altered with outside influences now.
Understanding 13: YOU can NEVER change him! Only HE can change him. Now this is not in concrete this is just on average. Typically when a man marries a women he hopes she will never change— But when a woman marries a man she already has plans on modifying him in some way. Again on average women tend to grow and change most of their lives. Maybe it has to do with our ability to morph into two people during pregnancy or that our brains our wired to see and understand so much more of human behavior that we naturally just want do something with all of that brilliant insight. But if you settle for a partner who never wants to evolve and grow as a person it can leave you feeling very empty and disconnected after 5-10 years. Men are evolving like it or not which is why you will find many more in meditation and yoga rooms that used to be mostly filled with women. So my advice: If you know you want “Blue Fish” don’t go fishing in a stream ladies.
That’s it for now. Hopefully now you will avoid some common mistakes and find a guy who is jut the right fit for you. As always I am always available to for questions and one on one discussions. Be sure to check out all my other podcasts and be sure send me your comments.
Part 2 Continuing Series on “What You Need to Know to Find the Right One
Understanding Number 5: Your primitive brain can be easily tricked if you are on the pill. Being on the pill will trick your body into thinking it’s pregnant and therefore look for an immune system that is similar to yours because that represents a family member, who will support you in your pregnancy. So be sure to date a man for 3 months on the pill and 3 months off to see if your attraction changes.
Understanding Number 6: The powerful emotions that will follow all these green lights are fueled by over 200 hormones and neurochemicals that will cause you to feel you are falling in love. Once these chemicals ignite, your once sensible and reasonable mind will NOT be functioning with clarity. This the key area you need boundaries or you will fall in love with the wrong one by becoming so addicted to the wonderful buzz that you will ignore everything that could be wrong with him.
And it ignites this fast is because everything in your genetics and reptilian brain pushes you toward finding a mate.
Yesterday I left off explaining what a mood is now I will explain where they can can from. When you find you are in “mood” you may be able to rattle off a list of problems as to why, but it is actually the thoughts/beliefs about those problems that lead your mood down the dark tunnel. Unaware, you might suddenly snap at someone who asks a benign question or fly into a rage when the driver in front of you can’t make up their mind. But the real reason you get angry may be that you were still thinking about the argument you had with your spouse that morning.
Yesterday I found myself battling a mood. I tried to blow it off and move on but I should know better by now. I needed to do some investigating. What was stirring the pot for me was I had received my credit card bill. A whopper of over $1600! What did I buy? ….AIR apparently because I could see no luxury item, no fun new toy, no new clothes, as I looked around my house and I guess air was going at a premium last month! UHG! I had no plans of this. But it was life stuff the kind of things that nickel and dime you into poverty. By not addressing this on a conscious level from the “front office” I was stuck in the “back office” being chewed out for not paying more attention, and not knowing where I would pull those funds from to pay the bill. Once I wrote down my pan the berating stopped and I was ready to move forward.
The amygdala is evaluating all thoughts and situations throughout the day, triggering both big and small warnings. We have learned throughout the years to dismiss the small warnings by simply pushing them away, like I was trying to do not taking the time to shine the light of reality on them. So over the course of a day, these small ones gang up on us leaving us in a really crappy mood by the time dinner rolls around. Everything from feeling ignored in a meeting to having someone talk to you abruptly or having your boss give you less than his usual big smile can have your amygdala sounding the sirens.
The muddy waters of emotions
Emotional moments are always a thought away. Like I have been saying, real or imagined, any thought can cause an emotional upheaval and during that time, your thoughts do not represent an accurate picture of the truth, the past or future. There are two ways an emotion is triggered. A thought may trigger an emotion, and the emotion makes us believe the thought was a fact. The second way is without words or thoughts; your limbic system (emotional area of your brain) evaluates a situation that does not seem favorable to you. In either case, the stress hormone cortisol is released, you feel bad, and then you try to find reasons that validate your emotion. We feel better when we know why something happens, even if we have to conjure up some plausible reason, and those reasons, are always are determined by our perspective. Feeling bad is your “check reality light.” It means a thought is being allowed to stand as a fact. You can’t allow that without confirming its reality first.