Part 4 Continuing Series on “What You Need to Know to Find the Right One
Understanding Number 9: Until you have the answers to the above questions you have no business taking your guard down removing the boundaries and allowing him to make you feel good. Otherwise it is the equivalent of trying to take your SATs while you are drunk. Because once those chemicals are in play you will have very little common sense, reasonability or objectivity.
Understanding Number 11 if you want to marry the right guy you can’t date the wrong guy just for convenience. If you spend time cuddling and having sex with him it will release oxytocin and dopamine causing you to think you have now fallen in love with him and “Hey he isn’t so bad, I could do worse . That is NOT the BENCH MARK LADIES!!! You will ignore all of the warning signs because you will do anything to keep that buzz.
Understanding number 12: Will he cheat on you? The million-dollar question we all wish we knew ahead of time. Well science now knows that it is wired into his genes. Their ability to be monogamous and be a more attentive father is known by looking at their vasopressin receptor gene. It comes in 17 lengths and the longer it is the better. So that’s the size you should be concerned with. Thinking someone will change or stop that behavior because they are in love is ignorance. Can you battle genetics? Absolutely. Science knows that your genetics and DNA can be altered with outside influences now.
Understanding 13: YOU can NEVER change him! Only HE can change him. Now this is not in concrete this is just on average. Typically when a man marries a women he hopes she will never change— But when a woman marries a man she already has plans on modifying him in some way. Again on average women tend to grow and change most of their lives. Maybe it has to do with our ability to morph into two people during pregnancy or that our brains our wired to see and understand so much more of human behavior that we naturally just want do something with all of that brilliant insight. But if you settle for a partner who never wants to evolve and grow as a person it can leave you feeling very empty and disconnected after 5-10 years. Men are evolving like it or not which is why you will find many more in meditation and yoga rooms that used to be mostly filled with women. So my advice: If you know you want “Blue Fish” don’t go fishing in a stream ladies.
That’s it for now. Hopefully now you will avoid some common mistakes and find a guy who is jut the right fit for you. As always I am always available to for questions and one on one discussions. Be sure to check out all my other podcasts and be sure send me your comments.
Understanding Number 7:
Having no boundaries means you give yourself permission to feel good around him allow him to make you feel wonderful. Right here is where everything changes. You make a conscious decision to seek his compliments, gifts, adoration, caring, and listening. You will see if he brings out the best in you and if he is powerful or has powerful connections you will most likely dive in head first. Does Donald Trump really think those chicks love him for his hair? It is why groupies flock to rock stars like moths to a flame. So be aware of the lure of power. Staying aware of what is happening in your brain and understanding that it is not some cosmic divine connection but simply chemicals will help you maintain objectivity if you put the following boundaries in place.
Understanding Number 8:
- Boundaries are : not having sex and not being too vulnerable when you are around him until you have discussed the following issues–
- In-Law boundaries
- Shared household responsibilities
- Alchohol and drug over indulgence
If you feel it is too early to have those conversations but not to early to have sex then your priorities are reversed. If you are serious about finding the right guy then you have to have these conversations before hand. These are why marriages crash and burn. If you still think it’s too early just think about this: most of those questions are addressed in simple roommate agreements.
Today I will begin a brief series where I will give you the 13 things you must know if you want to find and marry the right person and not become a divorce statistic. Understanding this information can increase your odds for marital bliss 10 fold. I will be doing this from female perspective but men will enjoy this peek “under the hood “ so to speak. Here are the first four.
Understanding number 1: A man and a woman have two different agendas as to why they pursue each other. A man’s brain tells him to make babies everywhere and a woman’s brain tells her to find a man who can help her raise and protect her family. So understand if you are between ages 13-40 years old then right off the bat you two are NOT on the same page. Some of this changes after 40 for obvious reasons.
Understanding number 2: When a woman first lays eyes on a guy her reptilian brain will scan him in the blink of an eye and evaluate if he is strong, healthy, and looks like he can protect a family. The womans’ conscious mind will be scanning to see if he would be a good provider, smart, well-adjusted and financially secure.
Understanding number 3:
if he passes this first test your brain will release dopamine which is like cocaine to your brain and you’ll believe you are off to a good start. And it would be, if you were living a thousand years ago.
Understanding number 4: Once he gets physically close to you, your brain will pick up his scent and determine whether or not his immune system is different enough from yours so that you would produce healthy babies. But all you will notice is feeling either, more attracted, less attracted or lukewarm. Which is why after meeting a really good looking potential partner you may find yourself saying, “ I don’t know I am just not that attracted to him”